intern’s limp handshake, we saw a meeting transcript with another team complaining about us, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I comment on an intern’s limp handshake?

I work in a professional field that requires a lot of client contact. I shake hands regularly with both clients and professional colleagues. I met an intern today who has an off-putting handshake — just totally limp. For what it’s worth, both the intern and I are women. I’m wondering if it’s worth addressing via constructive feedback. On the one hand, it really doesn’t matter that she has a dead fish handshake, and the norms around a “proper” handshake are sexist. On the other, it seems like an easy thing to fix, and could save her unfair judgment in the future. Should I say something or leave it alone?

I’m a little torn on this because, on one hand, the firm handshake convention is pretty weird if you really think about it, and for some people “power handshakes” can be painful. But it’s also true that firm handshakes are still very much an expectation in many contexts, some people really hate limp handshakes, and regardless of what anyone thinks of the convention, it will benefit your intern to know how to shake hands properly if she can.

So yeah, I’d lean toward saying something, as long as you come at it like a mentor rather than a critic. You could frame it as, “Someone showed me this when I first started working and I want to pass it on to you, because it’s something clients will expect.”

(Answering this letter shook free an until-now buried memory of my dad coaching me to practice my handshake over and over with him as a kid until it was sufficiently hearty.)

2. My team saw a meeting transcript with another team venting and complaining about us

I am involved in a project at work that requires partnering with a couple different departments. There is a standing weekly meeting that one department typically records so the transcript is available afterwards.

For various reasons, my department did not participate in the last weekly meeting, but the transcript was available afterwards. I decided to read it later in the day and discovered that the participants spent over 45 minutes talking about how my team is lazy, doesn’t do what we are asked, withholds information, etc. The reality is that the person leading the project is often all over the place, is unable to keep track of things that are provided to them, and frequently mishears what is being communicated to them. We have either provided them the information they need or let them know on various occasions why we cannot produce the data they are asking for and gave them alternate ways of finding it.

My manager escalated the issue. But since this just happened, we haven’t received any communication on next steps.

We have a long working meeting coming up. Of course I’m going to be as professional as possible, but I’m quite offended and can’t seem to shake it. I am no stranger to venting about others, but I’ve at least never recorded it for the world to see! I’m curious to know your thoughts about to proceed from here. Maybe this letter can be a reminder to people about the dangers of recording meetings!

When you overhear a conversation that’s about you but wasn’t meant for you, often the most constructive thing you can do is to take it as useful background info. In other words, you now know that team is really frustrated with your department, and they see the situation really differently than your team does (i.e., they think it’s your department’s fault, rather than recognizing the problems on their end). The advantage to overhearing something like this is that now you have an opening to have a more open discussion about what’s going on — it’s an opportunity to say, “Now that we’re aware of the frustration on your end, let’s figure this out!” and then, hopefully, go on to talk about how to fix it.

You can’t control what your manager does, but that approach would be a better move than her decision to escalate it. The issue isn’t that the other team was venting; it’s that there’s a major misunderstanding/miscommunication/lack of alignment about what’s going on between the two teams and what steps would fix things.

As for the next meeting, any chance one of you is up for saying, “On the transcript from last week’s meeting, we saw the discussion about XYZ. Can we take a few minutes to talk about how we can make sure you’re getting what you need from us?”

3. Company’s no-alcohol policy on business trips

This is a question from a job I left many years ago. At the time that I worked there, no employee was allowed to consume alcohol when on business travel. Not in your hotel room, not at a friend’s home, not at a cocktail hour at a conference. I was a salaried, exempt employee. I believe the policy was the same for hourly employees. I know that this isn’t normal, but is it legal?

Yeah, it’s definitely not typical. It’s legal in most states, though (and maybe in all of them, but it’s possible that it would be illegal in a small number of states like California that have stronger privacy protections for employees’ out-of-work activities — but even then, employers have more leeway if they can argue the activity could impact their business).

I’m curious to know what your employer’s rationale was. Was it a sort of general teetotaler philosophy where they didn’t want you drinking while you were on a trip to represent them, even well after work hours? Or a concern that you could end up unexpectedly needing to work during the trip so needed to always be sober? Or a response to something specific that happened on one notorious trip? It would have been interesting to ask!

4. People ask to meet with them and then send me to a website to make an appointment

Recently professionals have been reaching out to me and asking to meet. Normally this is fine and welcome, but they’re using Calendly to schedule a meeting with them, a website where I have to search for openings in their schedule to make an appointment. Am I wrong in finding it off-putting? I can see the efficiency behind this, but it feels impersonal and that I have to work around the schedule of someone who can’t be bothered to go to the effort of an extra minute or email or two to make a personal connection. It also feels like I am being asked to put more effort into this than they are. Am I just being old-fashioned?

Yeah, you’re being old-fashioned! The idea with programs like Calendly is that they save you time — you don’t need to go back and forth comparing your schedules and searching for a time you’re both available; you can immediately see what slots are open and pick the one that works best for you. It’s actually a convenience for you!

But if you really hate it and you’re the one doing the favor, feel free to just respond with your preferred method — like, “Actually, it’s easier for me if you pick from one of the following times” — but I suspect it’ll save you time to use their link.

5. How do I write a cover letter for a job I’m not passionate about?

I really appreciate all the cover letters you post as guidance, particularly the post from June 4th on career transitions. Even though I work in marketing and, in theory, should find it easy to tell my own brand story, writing cover letters has always been my biggest hindrance when it comes to job applications. It’s paralyzing, and prevents me from sending out applications. The examples on this site are so helpful and personal, and they show a real connection between the person and the job they’re applying for, but what if someone’s just looking for a job, and they don’t have a strong preference for a specific industry or title?

Right now, I’m in academic publishing – a field I thought I’d love but it’s just not doing it for me. The truth is, I’m mainly looking for a new job that pays the bills, and I’m not too picky about the industry or the specific role. How do I write a cover letter for jobs like that? And for the jobs I do care about, what kind of questions should I be asking myself to create a cover letter as successful as the ones you’ve posted? I’ve even tried using AI (GAH!) to help me organize my thoughts and experiences, but the results just don’t sound genuine. I don’t have a burning passion for law firms or dental offices, but they offer better pay than my current job, and I know I could do the work well, but I realize that’s not enough to get my resume noticed, especially when trying to switch industries. So, how do I write a cover letter that sounds authentic when the mere thought of writing one leaves me feeling paralyzed and struggling to connect the dots? I want to communicate my value and potential in a convincing way, even if I don’t have a deep connection to the specific industry.

You don’t need to write about your burning passion for dental offices! While a good cover letter might touch on a particular interest in the work, their bigger priority is to demonstrate why the candidate would excel at the job — which is a whole different thing, and that’s where you should focus. Why should they be excited about hiring you — what in your background can you offer up to illustrate why you’d be good at the work? That’s the common denominator in all the examples I’ve posted here: they make a case for why the person would be great at the job, fleshing out the relatively dry work history that’s on most resumes and helping the employer envision what they’d be like as an employee.

An exercise that can help: imagine you’re writing an email to a friend about why you think you’d be really good at this job. Write that email. That’s often a really good starting place.

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