updates: rebuilding a department after an abusive manager, saying grace at team meals, and more

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. How do I rebuild a department after an abusive manager?

I wanted to provide an update and also some clarification of the ongoing situation with Marcy. Many commenters felt that the situation was irredeemable, and the only path forward was to fire Marcy. My organization has a very high bar for termination, and since this bad behavior wasn’t ongoing, that just wasn’t an option for me. So, here’s what I did: I engaged in regular coaching with Marcy to emphasize the importance of a safe, trusting work environment and to help her navigate situations that could have triggered bad behavior. She independently sought some training on her own, and I think the combination of those things has helped her be a better manager. One of her direct reports even told me that things have improved. I also set up biannual one-on-ones with all of my managers’ direct reports and an “open door” policy. I’ve taken action, based on some of these conversations, and I’m hopeful that they feel heard, even if I can’t tell them specifically what’s going on with Marcy. I’m sure that gaining their trust will take more than that, but it allows me to have some great conversations with the larger department and provides a space for discussion of hard topics, as well as strategies, ideas, unrelated complaints, etc.

While Marcy is improving, I just don’t think keeping her in her current position is the best path forward. Plus, now that I’ve been here a bit, I can see other changes that need to be made. So, I’ve presented the CEO with a plan to reorganize my department. This would include moving Marcy to a different team. This team needs some additional help, and Marcy’s skills are well suited to the work. She would be an individual contributor, so she wouldn’t have any direct reports and would work solo much of the time. My hope is that this solution is a win-win, providing the new team with the extra resources they need and ensuring all members of my department have a decent manager. I am hopeful that the administration will approve my plan, but regardless of the outcome, I will continue to work closely with Marcy to ensure that she stays on track, and I’m documenting everything (good and bad) in the event that further action is needed.

2. My manager is trying to hold me back (#2 at the link)

I decided to stay and things have greatly improved at my job.

I’m an avid reader of Ask A Manager so with advice I’ve gathered from your site, in addition to books I’ve read about work politics and social dynamics, I decided to be strategic in trying to make my job into something that would make both myself and my manager happy.

As part of my annual evaluation (which I got the highest possible rating on!) I used it as an opportunity to write out exactly what I was looking for while also letting my manager know how much I enjoy getting to work with him. For example, I said I wanted more opportunities to present, more leadership opportunities with new hires, and that I wanted a science-heavy project that would be solely mine. I now have all of these!

I always try to be kind to everyone at work, regardless of their position in the hierarchy. To get out of the admin assistant work, I noticed who is close with the Real Big Bosses and would let it slip that I wanted less admin work and more science work. Suddenly, the admin work got moved to the admin team. I still have some admin tasks but most of my tasks are technical work. Sometimes work politics can be used for good and can help you. I love my job and my relationship with my manager and team has never been better. :)

3. We’re supposed to say grace at the start of team meals

How I wish my update was I was not longer at this job! But alas, I still am (and remain actively on the job hunt). I appreciate the advice you and those in the comments gave, but ultimately have not had to use them. Not because people on their own realized having group grace is weird, or because someone else spoke up, but because between that letter and now my agency has moved into a new office space. It is one that is too small to fit all staff and we’re hoteling (even my own department can’t come in on the same day, there is not enough room). There is not even a meeting room large enough to fit just my department, much less fit the entire agency. So it has not been an issue recently; we can’t gather easily.

I imagine once it is determined how to request usage of a conference room from one of the other agencies that use this building, we will inevitably have something that involves a group meal … and probably group grace. In the year since I wrote you, I’ve only realized more and more how useless it would be to speak up on it (or any issue) to anyone. The staff, including the director, are constantly at odds with each other on everything. Meetings where people shout at each other are not uncommon. So I imagine if I brought it up to my director, they’d push back on this being one of the few “nice things” that happens where everyone is being cordial. Even though, clearly, it does not make everyone comfortable.

All I can say is send me positive vibes on finding a new job soon.

4. My new office building keeps giving me static shocks (#4 at the link)

Unfortunately nothing much has changed around the static problem in the office. I put in a ticket with the building maintenance and they sent someone over with something to test the humidity by my desk, said it was within normal range, and closed out the ticket. Unfortunately as we went into the winter season, the static shock got worse in the elevator lobbies (far from my desk) and I now just slap every metal surface I have to touch so that it’s a wider surface area. On the plus side, I’ve now found out that more people have static shock and can sympathize with each other.

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