My coworkers are always complaining. What should I do?

Welcome to Pressing Questions, Fast Company’s work-life advice column. Every week, deputy editor Kathleen Davis, host of The New Way We Work podcast, will answer the biggest and most pressing workplace questions. Q: My coworkers are always complaining. What should I do? A: The world is made of all kinds of people, and so it follows that in any workplace you’ll also find a lot of personality types: The narcissist, the interrupter, the martyr, the workplace BFF (if you’re lucky), and the straight up jerk (if you’re unlucky). The office complainer is challenging in their own way. If you have one who is getting on your nerves, here are some ways to handle the situation. Consider the bigger picture Just as complaints from your partner are rarely actually about the dishes or the trash, it’s possible that your coworker’s complaints about the new software or the end of Bagel Fridays are actually about something bigger. Complaints about the loss of perks like free food might be masking fears about how the company is doing financially. Complaints about adjusting to a new software system could be a cover for fears about adapting to change or being pushed out because they are older.Consider the possible deeper context and, if you can, speak to management about these bigger concerns. If there’s nothing within your power that you can do to address the underlying larger concerns, at least the knowledge that it’s masking more legitimate gripes might make you feel more sympathetic. Just listen and let them vent Sometimes when someone has a complaint they just want someone to listen to them complain and validate that they are right to feel annoyed. Empowerment speaker Erica Latrice says: “If you are in an environment where you have to be around complainers a lot, just use the phrase, ‘If I were you, I would feel the same way.’” She says that a phrase like that allows them to feel heard and may stop them from feeling the need to keep repeating their complaint.Many people jump into problem-solving mode when they hear a complaint by either offering solutions to “fix” the complaint or reasons why it’s not as bad as the complainer says it is. Both of these approaches might be well-intentioned, but can feel dismissive to the person complaining (and could backfire by having them repeat their complaint until they feel heard). Ask for their ideas If offering unsolicited advice is the wrong approach, try asking the complainer for their thoughts on a solution. This is a great approach for those in management to address employee complaints, but also it also works for peers. The complaint might actually be the employee wanting to start a conversation about how to fix a problem.Simply asking, “what do you think we should do about it?” might open the floodgates. If not, dig a little deeper: “What would make the process easier?” “If we can’t change that, how do you think we should adapt?” “Do you think there’s a way to convince them to change their minds?” “Is there a better method you’ve seen work?” Beat them or join them If all else fails, you can decide to just live with the office Debbie Downer, or you can try to protect your peace and be honest with them. Saying something like: “Things are hard right now and I’m trying to stay positive. I’m not really in the headspace to handle so many workplace complaints right now.” That will likely not be well-received (and you may become the topic of their next batch of complaints), but it sends a clear message and they aren’t likely to share their thoughts with you anytime soon.Then there’s the “if you can’t beat them, join them” approach: Sometimes misery just wants company. So long as you trust the person you’re talking to (and you don’t take it too far and say something you’ll regret), you can join in with your own complaints. Want more advice on dealing with complainers at work? Here you go: The right (and wrong) way to complain at work What it’s like to go without complaining for a month 8 ways to deal with chronic complainers

Mar 19, 2025 - 12:36

Welcome to Pressing Questions, Fast Company’s work-life advice column. Every week, deputy editor Kathleen Davis, host of The New Way We Work podcast, will answer the biggest and most pressing workplace questions.

Q: My coworkers are always complaining. What should I do?

A: The world is made of all kinds of people, and so it follows that in any workplace you’ll also find a lot of personality types: The narcissist, the interrupter, the martyr, the workplace BFF (if you’re lucky), and the straight up jerk (if you’re unlucky). The office complainer is challenging in their own way.

If you have one who is getting on your nerves, here are some ways to handle the situation.

Consider the bigger picture

Just as complaints from your partner are rarely actually about the dishes or the trash, it’s possible that your coworker’s complaints about the new software or the end of Bagel Fridays are actually about something bigger. Complaints about the loss of perks like free food might be masking fears about how the company is doing financially. Complaints about adjusting to a new software system could be a cover for fears about adapting to change or being pushed out because they are older.

Consider the possible deeper context and, if you can, speak to management about these bigger concerns. If there’s nothing within your power that you can do to address the underlying larger concerns, at least the knowledge that it’s masking more legitimate gripes might make you feel more sympathetic.

Just listen and let them vent

Sometimes when someone has a complaint they just want someone to listen to them complain and validate that they are right to feel annoyed. Empowerment speaker Erica Latrice says: “If you are in an environment where you have to be around complainers a lot, just use the phrase, ‘If I were you, I would feel the same way.’” She says that a phrase like that allows them to feel heard and may stop them from feeling the need to keep repeating their complaint.

Many people jump into problem-solving mode when they hear a complaint by either offering solutions to “fix” the complaint or reasons why it’s not as bad as the complainer says it is. Both of these approaches might be well-intentioned, but can feel dismissive to the person complaining (and could backfire by having them repeat their complaint until they feel heard).

Ask for their ideas

If offering unsolicited advice is the wrong approach, try asking the complainer for their thoughts on a solution. This is a great approach for those in management to address employee complaints, but also it also works for peers. The complaint might actually be the employee wanting to start a conversation about how to fix a problem.

Simply asking, “what do you think we should do about it?” might open the floodgates. If not, dig a little deeper: “What would make the process easier?” “If we can’t change that, how do you think we should adapt?” “Do you think there’s a way to convince them to change their minds?” “Is there a better method you’ve seen work?”

Beat them or join them

If all else fails, you can decide to just live with the office Debbie Downer, or you can try to protect your peace and be honest with them. Saying something like: “Things are hard right now and I’m trying to stay positive. I’m not really in the headspace to handle so many workplace complaints right now.” That will likely not be well-received (and you may become the topic of their next batch of complaints), but it sends a clear message and they aren’t likely to share their thoughts with you anytime soon.

Then there’s the “if you can’t beat them, join them” approach: Sometimes misery just wants company. So long as you trust the person you’re talking to (and you don’t take it too far and say something you’ll regret), you can join in with your own complaints.

Want more advice on dealing with complainers at work? Here you go: