updates: the messy pumping room, asking for severance when you resign, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager! Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. I accidentally left the pumping room a mess (#2 at the link)

When I read, “You didn’t pee all over the break room,” it popped the balloon of my anxiety completely. Thank you for that, truly. The comments were also very helpful and super supportive.

It turned out my boss (let’s call him Richard) was also upset about the water bottles and other storage piling up in the room. He randomly needed the table and was upset that it looked more like a messy storage room than a breakroom. The guy piling water bottles there also got an earful. I stopped by Richard’s office and said I was embarrassed that my equipment was out and messy, that it was not normally like that, and that it would not happen again. He did shoot me a dig, saying, “You should be embarrassed.” But thanks to you all, I was OK enough to not crawl back to my office in shame. He can have his opinions, and I can have my legally allowed time to pump.

The elevators got fixed and broke again. The waters piled up elsewhere, and the admins put wipes in the room so I could clean up my spilled milk. Richard went on a month-long medical leave not too long after, and he has returned at least 3% more chill, which is nice. He is retiring this year, and I know he wants to leave the department set up for success, so if he gets particular or snippy about something, I am keeping that in mind. And even though he was low-key grossed out by my motherly duties, he has been extremely accommodating with the off-time I have needed. Daycare babies are always sick! Thank you, Alison, and those that commented for the advice, support, and boob stories.

2. Can I resign but still ask for severance?

After April 1 when I was eligible for unemployment given the minimum hours worked, I gave my boss a heads-up about this fact and that I was less worried given that UI eligibility was now on the table. When she asked if that’s what I wanted, I said, “Well, of course that’s not what I want because I think we can improve, but if things are going south again, I’d rather give you this heads-up that we have this option that gives me a smooth exit and helps you save face, but only works if you guys initiate it.”

And, two weeks after that conversation, HR was on our 1:1 to inform me my role is now redundant, and I was presented with four weeks of severance. I verbally countered to ask for 12, they held firm on four. I took a couple days to sign — on advice of my first counsel, my ADA retaliation claims would be a hassle to fight. I was starting to shop around for second legal opinions, but my partner suggested I take the deal so I wouldn’t keep ruminating on it — and he wouldn’t have to hear me ruminate about it — so I took the closure and am moving on. I already feel relieved having signed it.

Serendipitously, I also had signed an offer letter for a new job the day before the redundancy news was delivered and I was very nervous about telling my boss about resigning and serving out my notice, but this was honestly the best case scenario to be walking away with a nice five-figure sum and having four weeks to recharge from this toxic environment and reset for the new job. I will not be filing for UI in case the new job also is problematic as I have already achieved eligibility with the former job, as between the accrued PTO, severance, and a commission check from the last quarter’s earnings, I won’t necessarily need the income (whereas if this new job doesn’t work out, it will be harder to find something with two short stints in a row and will need that income.)

Thanks especially to the commenters who shared stories of a frank conversation with a boss. It was effective, and under the right circumstances of a bad company but decent boss, I would recommend this strategy. We are child-free, split a one-bedroom apartment, and generally keep expenses low and save and invest a good chunk of our paycheck, so I could confidently walk away (or, ask to be walked out!) but definitely realize we have some privilege not everyone has.

I’m hoping with some due time I can have a good relationship with my former boss again and I hope she breaks free because I know she’s not enjoying that environment either. The whole thing was a great learning experience, my brief time in this role paved the way for my new role, and I’m very happy to be over and done with it!

Update to the update:

My new job started in May and it’s been a dream. The red flags that I saw in the last gig aren’t at this gig and it’s generally a more mission-aligned opportunity. The four weeks of severance was a huge help.

Boss from former job and I are cool. We exchanged some warm written correspondence via personal channels and I hope once she’s out this will all be something we laugh about, but for now please send her hopes and prayers. Two other folks on her team are presently on PIPs, because the CEO is a bonkers narcissist. SMH.

3. There’s been a leak at my desk for 10 years (#2 at the link)

Lots of good suggestions in the comments section regarding water wheels and creative usage of the drip, but sadly, I did not have the wherewithal to execute. There is currently a renovation happening to our building, though, and while I can’t say that the drip behind my desk was the impetus, I’m hopeful this is going to be the solution. I haven’t noticed any leaks since they’ve been working on it over the last several months (and we’ve had a lot of rain), so … fingers crossed over here!

4. Coworker is taking advantage of our WFH flexibility (#2 at the link)

Regarding the coworker who was wreaking minor scheduling and meeting havoc with their WFH flexibility: our manager spoke to them about this and a couple of other performance concerns, and the scheduling issues didn’t recur. This had a side effect of cooling our previously-warm relationship; however, a couple of months later, all of our jobs changed dramatically. We are no longer on the same team and now must come to the office twice a week for certain core hours. I don’t interact with this person very much anymore and hope that they are fitting in well with their new team. Work hours are not as flexible as they used to be, and I suspect this team member isn’t the only person who might find themselves stymied by our forced culture change.

I took advantage of the massive organizational change to shift my career in a more technical direction. I do not miss being a team lead at all! While I’ve received good feedback about my leadership skills in general (including from the person mentioned in my question), it’s definitely NOT my passion. I successfully delegated technical work to my team and was happy to see their skills grow, but I dearly missed doing that work myself. I’m now happily fitting in on a team that I’ve frequently interacted with during my time here. I’m glad I dipped my toe into people leadership in a supportive environment, and I’m equally glad that I was able to bail back into an individual contributor role.

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