How to push back on an unethical request at work
A few years ago, a sales executive I worked with found himself in a difficult position. His company was under review for a potential buyout, and his director asked him to present a version of the company’s story that, while technically true, left out critical details. The omission would make the company look healthier than it was, protecting its valuation and the leadership team’s positions post-acquisition. He knew this wasn’t an outright lie, but it didn’t feel honest either. Was this just strategic messaging or something more ethically concerning? And how could he navigate this without jeopardizing his reputation or future at the company? A third path He chose a third path. Instead of outright refusal, which might have been career-limiting, he started by asking clarifying questions. What was the real outcome that the leadership team wanted? Was there a way to tell a fuller, more balanced story that acknowledged challenges while highlighting future opportunities? In the end, he was able to get leadership buy-in to reframe the story to focus on how the company had learned from its struggles and was taking steps to improve. It wasn’t a spin. It was honest, forward-looking, and hopeful. The CEO praised the approach, and the executive maintained his integrity without derailing his career. The Institute of Business Ethics found in a study that one in three employees felt pressured to compromise the business’s ethical standards. Many comply out of fear—worried they’ll face retaliation, be labeled “difficult,” or lose opportunities. But there are ways to push back without risking your career. UNDERSTAND BEFORE OBJECTING When confronted with a questionable request, most people respond in one of two ways: They comply out of fear or they push back immediately, putting their job security at risk. There’s a better first step: Push to understand. Not all uncomfortable requests are unethical. Some are simply poorly communicated or misaligned with your values. Clarify: Start by seeking to fully understand the request. You may find the issue is one of discomfort rather than unethical intent. Question: Explore the outcomes they want and whether the request achieves those goals in the best way. Asking thoughtful questions often makes leaders rethink their approach on their own. Redirect: If appropriate, propose a solution that meets the same business objectives without compromising integrity. For example, rather than omitting challenges, highlight how those challenges spurred innovation or improved future outcomes. These conversations can reveal that the person making the request is open to alternatives, they just hadn’t thought of them yet. UNETHICAL VERSUS ILLEGAL If you’ve clarified, questioned, and still feel uncomfortable, it’s important to assess whether the request is merely unethical or actually illegal. That distinction determines your next move. If the request is illegal, you will want to tread carefully. If you feel psychologically safe, it can be helpful to start communicating via email to keep a digital trail (although it is possible that your manager will cover their trail by refusing to engage on email). Further, if your company has an HR department, you can share the request with them along with expressing your discomfort. One friend who works in compliance found himself in this exact situation. His manager asked him to manipulate data, a clear violation of regulations. He responded by email, explicitly stating why the request was illegal and citing the relevant regulatory code. He was never asked to do it again. Sometimes, simply stating the facts is the most powerful shield you have. However, if the request is unethical but not necessarily illegal, your next move should be a personal decision that minimizes future regret. REGRET MINIMIZATION FRAMEWORK If you’re facing this kind of dilemma, it’s already a bad situation. There’s no playbook that guarantees success or protection. Sometimes, doing everything “right” still results in backlash or career limitations. This is why I recommend applying what’s called the “regret minimization framework. Ask yourself: If I look back on this 10 years from now, will I regret how I handled it? This is the core of the regret minimization framework, a decision-making tool made famous by Jeff Bezos. It doesn’t promise a perfect outcome. But it helps you act in a way that minimizes long-term regret, even if it leads to short-term discomfort. When you apply this framework, you’re not just considering whether you’ll keep your job next month. You’re asking which version of yourself—today’s self or your future self—you want to protect more. Do you want to be someone who went along to keep the peace? Or someone who held the line when it mattered? This doesn’t mean you have to become a whistleblower or burn bridges. It simply means choosing the actions that leave you at peace with yourself, knowing you did
A few years ago, a sales executive I worked with found himself in a difficult position. His company was under review for a potential buyout, and his director asked him to present a version of the company’s story that, while technically true, left out critical details. The omission would make the company look healthier than it was, protecting its valuation and the leadership team’s positions post-acquisition.
He knew this wasn’t an outright lie, but it didn’t feel honest either. Was this just strategic messaging or something more ethically concerning? And how could he navigate this without jeopardizing his reputation or future at the company?
A third path
He chose a third path. Instead of outright refusal, which might have been career-limiting, he started by asking clarifying questions. What was the real outcome that the leadership team wanted? Was there a way to tell a fuller, more balanced story that acknowledged challenges while highlighting future opportunities?
In the end, he was able to get leadership buy-in to reframe the story to focus on how the company had learned from its struggles and was taking steps to improve. It wasn’t a spin. It was honest, forward-looking, and hopeful. The CEO praised the approach, and the executive maintained his integrity without derailing his career.
The Institute of Business Ethics found in a study that one in three employees felt pressured to compromise the business’s ethical standards. Many comply out of fear—worried they’ll face retaliation, be labeled “difficult,” or lose opportunities. But there are ways to push back without risking your career.
UNDERSTAND BEFORE OBJECTING
When confronted with a questionable request, most people respond in one of two ways: They comply out of fear or they push back immediately, putting their job security at risk.
There’s a better first step: Push to understand.
Not all uncomfortable requests are unethical. Some are simply poorly communicated or misaligned with your values.
- Clarify: Start by seeking to fully understand the request. You may find the issue is one of discomfort rather than unethical intent.
- Question: Explore the outcomes they want and whether the request achieves those goals in the best way. Asking thoughtful questions often makes leaders rethink their approach on their own.
- Redirect: If appropriate, propose a solution that meets the same business objectives without compromising integrity. For example, rather than omitting challenges, highlight how those challenges spurred innovation or improved future outcomes.
These conversations can reveal that the person making the request is open to alternatives, they just hadn’t thought of them yet.
UNETHICAL VERSUS ILLEGAL
If you’ve clarified, questioned, and still feel uncomfortable, it’s important to assess whether the request is merely unethical or actually illegal. That distinction determines your next move.
If the request is illegal, you will want to tread carefully. If you feel psychologically safe, it can be helpful to start communicating via email to keep a digital trail (although it is possible that your manager will cover their trail by refusing to engage on email). Further, if your company has an HR department, you can share the request with them along with expressing your discomfort.
One friend who works in compliance found himself in this exact situation. His manager asked him to manipulate data, a clear violation of regulations. He responded by email, explicitly stating why the request was illegal and citing the relevant regulatory code. He was never asked to do it again. Sometimes, simply stating the facts is the most powerful shield you have.
However, if the request is unethical but not necessarily illegal, your next move should be a personal decision that minimizes future regret.
REGRET MINIMIZATION FRAMEWORK
If you’re facing this kind of dilemma, it’s already a bad situation. There’s no playbook that guarantees success or protection. Sometimes, doing everything “right” still results in backlash or career limitations. This is why I recommend applying what’s called the “regret minimization framework.
Ask yourself: If I look back on this 10 years from now, will I regret how I handled it?
This is the core of the regret minimization framework, a decision-making tool made famous by Jeff Bezos. It doesn’t promise a perfect outcome. But it helps you act in a way that minimizes long-term regret, even if it leads to short-term discomfort.
When you apply this framework, you’re not just considering whether you’ll keep your job next month. You’re asking which version of yourself—today’s self or your future self—you want to protect more. Do you want to be someone who went along to keep the peace? Or someone who held the line when it mattered?
This doesn’t mean you have to become a whistleblower or burn bridges. It simply means choosing the actions that leave you at peace with yourself, knowing you did what you could with the power and information you had at the time.
