my coworker refuses to share her calendar and says she’ll quit if she’s ordered to

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I work at a small creative business with about 25 employees, Our structure is pretty flat, and there is no traditional HR or processes that come with working at larger organizations. There are three main departments. I run one, and my coworker who I am writing about, Maggie, runs one of the others.

A small thing has become a big issue: While we all have open calendars to make scheduling easier, Maggie refuses to make her calendar open and keeps it entirely private. In addition, her calendar is often entirely booked with meetings, showing no open times to add anything.

As a result, in order to schedule almost anything, the project management team is forced to reach out to Maggie to ask about flexibility on her calendar and wait for her response and/or approval to put something on (often she refuses and says she has no time available). As you can imagine, this creates a bottleneck and a considerable amount of frustration for the PM team, who cannot easily do their work. It also adds a layer that makes it seem like Maggie is the the most senior employee (she is not) and gives her an element of control over all meetings.

To add to the frustration, it has become clear that many of the meetings on her calendar have only her in them and are personal appointments or time blocks to do things like “clean the house.” The PM team knows this because they can see all the other meetings on the calendar, so can see she is not booked with anyone, and more than once Maggie has forgotten to sign out of a shared computer and they have seen meetings on her calendar during work hours (10am-6pm) like “walk the dog,” “pilates,” etc. While we keep a flexible work style with two days home and treat each other like adults who can use their time as they like to get their work done (we all often have things on our calendar like “dentist appt”), this calendar issue has become infuriating for many people in the agency.

Maggie could open her calendar and make any blocks she wishes to private, but she refuses to do this (and has even said she would quit over it). As a result, her calendar has become a source of mockery. The PM team is convinced it’s all fake vs. having respect for blocked times, her relationships are suffering because she is seen as uncooperative, controlling, and sneaky (hiding something), and the vibes are getting more and more toxic.

How would you suggest we move forward with this situation, which is currently at a stalemate? Force her to open her calendar or offer a consequence (no idea what that would be), allow her to quit over it (I would not hate this option), allow her to continue keeping it private and change how we schedule, all make our calendars private (petty but would a point), let it go?

I wrote back and asked, “What has Maggie said about her reasons when asked why she wants to do it this way? And what does Maggie’s boss say about it?”

Maggie refuses to elaborate other than to say that she thinks it’s a violation of her privacy and she wants a private calendar

When the CEO, who is her boss, spoke about it, she told the CEO she would quit if forced to open her calendar.

That was about a year ago, and I don’t think the CEO really understands the implications. This week I spoke to the CEO about it being an ongoing problem and someone else sent the CEO screenshots of Maggie’s calendar to show the scheduling blocks are all personal. So we’ll see if there is action taken but when I spoke to the CEO, she expressed she felt like she had no way to force Maggie to comply.

You have a Maggie problem, but you also have a CEO problem.

Or at least you do if people have clearly laid out to the CEO what problems this is causing — that it’s creating a bottleneck and making the PMs’ jobs harder and that Maggie hasn’t offered any reason for being so committed to not complying with a practice everyone else uses.

If the CEO’s response to that is still that she has no way to force Maggie to comply … then are there any policies or accountability in this organization at all? What would the CEO do if someone stopped coming to work? Refused to meet deadlines? Wanted to walk around the office pants-less? Obviously these are bigger deals than “won’t share her calendar,” but the point is that the only way offices can function is if there are shared agreements around expectations and practices and if people are actually held accountable to meeting those.

But I’m curious about whether the CEO does know how much of a problem this has become. Often when stuff like this gets shared, it’s shared in a sort of shorthand that doesn’t communicate the full extent of the problem. So if there’s any doubt about how much the CEO understands, the next step is to go back to her and describe in detail the specific issues Maggie’s intransigence is causing, and then state clearly that things are at a crisis point and the CEO needs to use her authority to intervene because a year of trying to resolve it with Maggie directly hasn’t worked.

This next part is out of your control, but from there the CEO should talk to Maggie and find out why she’s digging her heels. If Maggie isn’t willing to offer a compelling reason, then the CEO should tell her that this is an expectation of her job like any other, that she needs to comply with it because it’s causing XYZ work problems, and that the CEO is going to check in two days to make sure she’s done it, and that she needs to continue to comply going forward. And then the CEO needs to hold her to that like she would any other work expectation.

The CEO may be thinking “I’m not willing to lose an employee over something as small as their calendar settings,” but this isn’t really about the calendar. It’s about someone insisting they’re going to cause bottlenecks and problems for their colleagues and claiming they feel so strongly about their right to do that that they’ll quit over it without ever explaining why it matters. That’s not about calendar settings; it’s about Maggie’s fundamental willingness to work respectfully and cooperatively on a team.

It also makes me really curious about the rest of Maggie’s work, because I’m skeptical that this isn’t coming out in other ways too.