I found “detox” propaganda in the office kitchen, I made a huge political mistake, and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I found weird “detox” propaganda in the office kitchen

I work at a small nonprofit of under 30 employees and we share one small kitchen. Articles relevant to our field or other interesting items are often left in the center of the table for us to read. I walked into the kitchen the other day and found a seven-page printout about “superhuman brain shakes.” I looked into the group that published it and the doctor behind it, and what I found did not sit well with me.

The guy talks about “detoxification” and peddles supplements, all while vilifying prescription drugs and doctors. As someone who takes a prescription drug every day for my mental health, I don’t feel comfortable with something like this in the work kitchen. Would whoever put this information in the kitchen be appalled or look down on me because I take a prescription drug (which is needed in part due to the job, but that’s another story for another day)?

On top of this gross pamphlet, we generally have a problem with people vilifying sugar, fatty foods, carbs, etc. I know these topics are pretty common but these beliefs are starting to feel endemic.

Obviously this isn’t formal-HR-complaint level, but is it out of line for me to say something to the person who serves an HR function in our office? Or do I just conveniently hide this somewhere in the kitchen when no one is looking? I would love to just toss it right in the bin, but I know that’s not the way.

Tossing it in the trash is the way. Someone left something gross in the kitchen, and putting it in the trash is appropriate.

It sounds like the bigger issue in your office is the culture of moralizing about food, but that’s much, much harder to address. (You can still try, though! Advice on how is here.) But this one pamphlet? Trash it and be done with it.

If you start finding more materials left for general reading that push a particular agenda, at that point it would be reasonable to suggest to your HR person that they put a stop to that, since common areas shouldn’t be used that way (and if they don’t stop it at diet moralizing, it’s very quickly going to spread to other topics as well).

2. I made a huge political mistake at work

I’ve done something worthy of a Corporate Idiot of the Year award, and I’m mortified about my spectacular misstep with my new boss.

I’m a team lead (no HR responsibility) who was recently told I’d be focusing on one shiny new initiative while giving up a current team. The colleague inheriting my team already juggles two teams and, to put it diplomatically, isn’t a strong team lead. Instead of gracefully accepting fate, I launched a one-woman crusade for “better alternatives” – suggesting other names, directly approaching my colleague (who was predictably uninterested), and escalating to both my boss and his boss.

When communication about these changes moved at glacial pace, I prodded about timelines in a group chat, accidentally triggering a premature announcement from a Scrum Master rather than leadership. Brilliant move!

This morning, my boss (who has only recently joined the company) pulled me aside and essentially lectured me about inappropriate meddling and how influence works in large organizations. He’s right, of course, and I sat there wondering if my keyboard shortcuts included “undo career damage.”

I’ve scheduled a meeting with him to address my corporate mutiny, but I’m so ashamed and genuinely concerned about lasting damage. Is this relationship salvageable, or should I start looking for a new job? What specific steps would you recommend to repair trust while still eventually establishing myself as someone with valuable input?

I’m going to take your word for it that this was really as bad as you say, but I think it’s worth considering that your boss sees this less as Devastating Mistake That Should Haunt You Forever and more as just a misstep that required some coaching.

But if it’s really as bad as you think, then it’s worth reflecting on how you got there: do you have a pattern of overstepping your role or was this a one-off? If it’s a pattern, what is it stemming from and how can you manage those impulses differently in the future? Did any of this stem from legitimate frustrations with how your organization or team runs and, if so, are there conclusions you should draw from that (which could be anything from “if I’m going to stay here, I need to accept X” to “X is so messed up that it’s ruining my professional norms and I need to get out”)? Do you need better mentors to bounce things off and, if so, is that something you can put energy into cultivating? Have you had bad role models for how to handle this kind of situation and that played out here? There are a zillion interesting questions that could stem from this, all of which have the potential to turn this into something pretty useful for you!

Assuming you do that, I see no reason why this wouldn’t be salvageable. Tell your boss you heard him loud and clear, you see where you misjudged, and you appreciate him pointing it out to you so candidly. When someone messes up, those are the things a halfway decent manager is listening to hear, and hearing them without prodding can be extremely reassuring.

These may help too:

how to rebuild your credibility after messing up at work

how should you decide which battles to pick at work?

3. My coworker got an expensive baby gift and I got nothing

I am part of a work group with two offices in different cities. Our group is around 10 people and we have the same boss who works in my office. We do some work with the other group and hold monthly Zooms together, but around 75% of the work my office does is independent of the other office. I am well-respected in my organization and love my job and like my team a lot.

I had a baby about 10 months ago, and a colleague at the same level as me in the other office just returned from maternity leave. I found out during our latest monthly Zoom that before her leave, her team had collected money and given her a several hundred dollar gift. I don’t know for sure, but because of the cost, I suspect that people she manages gave money toward the gift. Knowing the team, I doubt they felt pressure to donate, but as I learned from you, it’s still not appropriate and gifts should not go up!

I did not get a gift when my baby was born and I can’t help but feel a little hurt by finding out about my colleague’s gift. Small gifts aren’t completely unprecedented in my office so I figured at most, I might get a branded onesie, but didn’t really care when I didn’t. I would not have wanted my team, especially my reports, to give their own money for a gift for me. But considering the price of her gift and my experience buying *a lot* of expensive shit for my baby over the past year (why do so many things I can only use for a couple of months cost an arm and a leg!?), plus finding out about the gift during a call with our entire team, it just kinda stings.

I’ve been considering raising my feelings with one of my trusted superiors/mentors, but I can’t figure out what I’d say without sounding greedy and hurt and I don’t even know what, if anything, I’d want them to do about it. I know with certainty that my bosses wouldn’t have deliberately decided to give one person a gift and exclude me. Honestly, they may not even know/remember that I got nothing since it’s been almost a year at this point! So I figure maybe it’s worth a reminder about being fair with gift-giving within our team?

What do you think? Do I leave this alone and just get over it? Or is it worth bringing up and if so, what the heck do I say?

The difference is almost certainly just because you’re in two completely separate offices. Different offices have different customs and norms; one might have bagels in the kitchen every Tuesday and a cherished costume contest every Halloween, while another has no weekly bagels but provides ice cream sandwiches every Friday in the summer and a “talking shrimp” at every meeting. Gift practices differ from office to office too, and that’s almost certainly all you’re seeing. The best thing to do is to chalk it up to that and leave it alone.

4. How do I brag about myself to my boss?

I am in upper management at a smallish (~80 employees) company. I recently was featured in a vendor’s quarterly publication about successful folks in our industry. My bosses know I was asked, but now that I have the completed article back, I’m freezing on what to say when I share it with them! But I do want them to see it because, well, I want to be valued, and it would be silly not to!

What’s my script? And can I ask that it not be shared company-wide? I cringe at the thought of staff reading it, even though I make several references to our staff and their feedback being a source of success. I can’t help but compare it to “manager wins the prize raffle at the holiday party” snafus (even though this publication came with no monetary reward).

I just don’t want anyone to think I’m shouting “look at how great I am!” (Except maybe my bosses who sign my paychecks.)

Forward it to your managers with a note saying something like, “Wanted to share this with you!” You’re allowed to be excited about it, they’ll likely to be happy to see it too (it reflects well on them as well as on you!), and it won’t look self-absorbed to simply send it along in a matter-of-fact way.

But I would not ask that it not be shared company-wide unless you can point to some specific reason for that (like there’s currently tension over something you talked about in the interview or it reveals some specific detail about your private life that you’d prefer not to be circulated). This isn’t anything like managers claiming the best prizes in company raffles! You didn’t elbow other employees out of the way in order to get coverage for yourself (I assume). It wouldn’t be cringey for your company to share the article internally, and it’s normal for companies to share employees’ successes. That said, if you’re really uncomfortable with the idea of it, you could say, “I feel awkward about sharing this more broadly but wanted you two to see it.”

5. When should I tell prospective employers I’ve been laid off?

Until two weeks ago, I worked for a federal contractor. All of the contracts I worked on were DOGEd at the beginning of February, and I was laid off, along with hundreds of other employees, about a month later. Between the contracts being terminated and my being laid off, I applied for a number of positions with my former position listed as current since it was current at the time. When should I tell prospective employers that I have been laid off? I am assuming it is unnecessary to send an email if I haven’t heard anything from the employer, but should I tell them during the interview? I don’t want to be misleading.

You don’t need to proactively announce it, but you shouldn’t talk about the job in the present tense in interviews or otherwise imply you’re still there. If it comes up, you’ll just matter-of-factly explain what happened. You don’t need to go out of your way to hide it or to make sure they’re aware of it.