update: how do I manage someone with poorly controlled ADHD?

Remember the letter-writer asking how to manage someone with poorly controlled ADHD? Here’s the update.

I found your response very helpful and I’m working my way through all the comments as well. The situation was already resolved by the time this was published, but it’s helpful to reflect back on what I could have done better, and hopefully others will learn from this too!

It’s fascinating to see the commenters weighing in on the importance of accommodations vs personal responsibility. I’m also learning a lot about the uniqueness of ADHD coping methods, not only that different people find different approaches helpful, but also that the same person will need different approaches over time.

My update on the situation is that I did set explicit expectations about how long tasks should take, that she shouldn’t take on any side projects without checking with me first, that getting things done in a timely fashion was an essential part of her job (and more important than exhaustive detail), and that consistently clocking in and out for her shifts was a requirement that could lead to progressive discipline if not followed. I think my years of reading AAM helped me come up with those ideas even before you responded. If there’s one thing I’ve learned here, it’s that clearly-communicated expectations are essential!

Unfortunately the idea of us paying for an ADHD coach wasn’t feasible for someone at her level. That said, we do have a strong Employee Assistance Program here, and this kind of thing is within their scope. I encouraged her to contact the EAP, but I don’t know if she ever did.

It all came to a head when she forgot to punch out again for most of her shifts over two weeks. The estimated shift end times she gave us when prompted seemed suspicious, so we compared them to computer use and parking ramp data. This unfortunately showed that she was significantly overestimating her work time. I don’t think she did this on purpose, but it demonstrated exactly why we require people to actually punch in and out instead of guesstimating at the end of a pay period.

All of this put together resulted in a brief suspension. I was very explicit in the suspension discussion that we believed she could do better, and that we would be happy to make accommodations to help her succeed. I also was very clear that we wanted this to be not a punishment but a wake-up call that the behavior needed to change if she wanted to keep working here.

On her first morning back after the suspension, she submitted her two-week notice. She said the stress of “trying to be perfect” was going to lead her to make more mistakes, so she didn’t think she could stay. I had somewhat mixed feelings about this until she admitted that she had forgotten her badge at home that morning, so she needed a leader to clock her in and out for the day. That felt like a last straw to me, to be honest.

A few days before the end of the two week notice period, she changed her mind and said she wanted to stay. Thankfully I had already read some good advice here at AAM about this situation! I reminded her that we had formally accepted her resignation, and explained that we would proceed with her last day as planned. She was not happy, but we all got through it.

Thank you and all the commenters for the thoughtful advice and discussion, not only about this situation, but also throughout the years!

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