my coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I’m an admin in a small office, with a centrally located desk. One of my coworkers, Miranda, literally never stops talking. I counted for a while and she averages two major interruptions per hour, mostly extended monologues about personal minutiae, intimate relationship problems, or absolute and total nonsense.

Basically, her entire internal monologue is externalized at all times. She announces everything she’s doing. She tells me long stories about how she managed things like “loaning her bike to someone” or “changing the exact location of her keys” that follow the entire storyline of the item through all its moves over a period of 24 hours.

She is utterly oblivious to both subtle and direct feedback about this. For example:
Me, doing math” “Sorry I can’t talk right now I have to focus on this.”
Miranda: “Yeah, I know, I’m just going to go to the store because I’m out of groceries and last week my friend came over and ate all my salad and since there’s no salad at the store ever…”

My boss knows this is a problem, and I know his inaction is a problem. I wear headphones a lot, which sucks because I’m also a receptionist.

One of the consequences of this situation is that among all the nonsense are relevant work facts, but because of Miranda’s processes they are only concrete facts 10% of the time and the other 90% they are “in process” work facts, so the details are all subject to change.

My short-term memory cannot function under these conditions. I have ADHD and focusing on my own job is hard enough. It is functionally impossible for me to also absorb this waterfall of constant information, sort through it in real time for the bits that might someday be important to me, record those, and move forward with any kind of larger understanding. It would be an entire job, like one of those movie jobs where a harried assistant follows some crazy magazine editor around managing their constant changes of mind. That’s not my job, I have a job, she does not need an assistant, I am needed elsewhere.

I told my boss recently that given the status quo, I can commit to writing down important information during meetings and keeping my operating system updated with the finalized schedules I’m given, but that I am not able to mentally track any of this, ever. He’ll ask me to remember things from within the week (what day was X going to happen?) and I can’t, not because I’m generally bad at that but because I am constantly overloaded by so much content that it’s impossible to maintain any kind of cognitive clarity. I was told 900 details yesterday and 890 of them were irrelevant nonsense so the 10 good ones randomly mixed in did not stick. Since I can not stop the deluge of mind-numbing, banal storytimes, constantly listening to her entire verbal process is incredibly derailing, and the best I can do is try to work around it is by purging my entire brain at the end of every day in order to live a life of relative sanity. Want info to stop flowing off of me like water off a duck’s back? Get her under control.

Is this a reasonable boundary I’m drawing? It’s an unreasonable situation, I’m actively job hunting, and while I very much like working with my manager I’m aware that he should be doing more about this than he is. Given that he’s unwilling or unable to actually manage Miranda (because as you can guess, her time management skills are appalling and her productivity is often shockingly low), am I doing the right things?

It’s a reasonable boundary to draw, but whether that matters depends on how your boss responded when you laid it out. If he agreed it’s reasonable — and will continue to deem it reasonable the next time you can’t answer a question due to Miranda overload — then sure, maybe this is the best way for you to manage the situation since he won’t manage it himself. But his continued agreement will be key, so you’ll have to see how that plays out.

Meanwhile, though, do your job duties require you to frequently interact with Miranda? If not, would your boss be willing to tell her that she cannot interrupt you during the day, period? Maybe he’s not willing to coach her through how to streamline her communications but would be willing to give her a blanket “you must leave LetterWriter alone.”

If he’s not, do you feel like you have the capital and standing in your workplace (including the backing of your boss if Miranda gets upset) to tell her that yourself — to say, essentially, “I cannot do my job when you come by to talk to me, so you cannot come by anymore”? And to immediately cut her off when she does with, “I can’t work while you’re here, so I need you to leave so I can finish this”?

Ideally, you’d get comfortable being really assertive about cutting her off, in ways that would feel rude if you were doing them to anyone else but which are warranted with her. I’m talking about things like holding up your hand in a visual “stop” motion and saying, “I need you to stop talking because I have to focus on something else” or bluntly saying, ““I need you to stop talking and leave my desk.” Again, that’s going to feel rude, because it would be with someone who wasn’t being so inappropriate themselves.

Consider, too, whether a big-picture conversation with Miranda could help. For example: “I can’t get my job done when you keep coming over to talk to me. It’s making it impossible for me to get my work done, so from now on I need you to send me anything work-related in an email so that I can process it later. That’s the only way I can get my job done.”

Otherwise, though, keep wearing your headphones and when she shows up at your desk to talk, say “can’t talk right now” and just keep working and ignoring her. That’s going to be hard to do! It’s going to feel impolite. It’s also probably your only option.