updates: my friend accused me of getting him fired, the jerk on the plane, and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My friend accused me of getting him fired, but I didn’t (#3 at the link)

Thanks again for publishing my question. I was nervous about submitting it but your advice helped me realize that my fellow writer and friend knew the risks of what he was doing by going against our employer’s company policy.

I also realized through the comments section that I didn’t fully explain what this policy meant! As with other media outlets, our employer publication strictly forbids us from accepting trips, dinners, or expensive gifts from businesses or individuals in exchange for writing about them. It is written in our contract as well. There are writers that overlook these requirements, such as my friend, and choose to accept these comps and write articles in return.

Along with my friend, I know at least two other writers who were discovered and fired for doing the same thing. Like you said, I’m guessing that my friend was fired and reacted to me out of irrational thinking. Out of the blue, he DMed me saying that I was two-faced. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. I was shocked and I didn’t reply right away or ask what this accusation was about or didn’t think about doing so.

I had no idea what happened to him until hearing about it later from the media grapevine. I never found out why he would assume I would do something like this. Around the time of this happening, I had a fallout with a mutual colleague that turned out to be a complete jerk. I don’t know if she planted that idea in his head or not.

A few months later, he seemed to realize that I didn’t say anything and he tried to make amends. It turned out that his editor knew what was going on and was building a case for his firing by collecting his social media postings from his trips and work dinners as evidence.

We seem better now but I’ve become more cautious around him and within my work circles about who I socialize with or what I share. I’m a freelancer in a certain field that is very tight and competitive, so I’m trying to retool myself either to return to a staff position or obtain another steadier means of income.

2. A fellow conference attendee was a jerk on the airplane

TL;DR: Reporting the jerk to the company seems to be the right thing to do, but doing so, even if I have a way, may not generate a desirable outcome for me.

I consulted some HR professionals in my country informally, anonymously about my situation. Unfortunately, my employer’s policy does not cover people from other companies. In addition, no other parties were seemingly affected so the situation was a “he-said-she-said” one. The most important point was that HR’s function was to protect the company and not me: HR from the jerk’s company would see me as a risk to their company’s reputation. The HR from the jerk’s company would ignore me even if my message reaches their inboxes. In the future, they may ignore my job applications to reduce the possibility of a complaint.

The jerk needed to cause more trouble on the flight such as a criminal act before the company HR would take action.

3. Irrational jealousy over colleague’s promotion (#80 in this speed round)

My teammate who got promoted got very little training and no support in her new-to-her manager role. She was constantly told that managing is hard and is a different skillset , but wasn’t given any help developing that skillset. She stepped back down to individual contributor after only a year. Soon afterwards she quit because she was told her time as a manager had reset her time-in-grade to zero, making her ineligible for a promotion to the next IC level any time soon. Seems like I dodged a bullet!

4. How honest can I be that I need more WFH days if I’m going to stay? (#5 at the link)

No joy on the extra WFH day, which is kind of unsurprising. I didn’t lay out specifically that I would be looking for work elsewhere as it just felt too much like an ultimatum. If they had been open to the option, I think they would have inquired how much of a priority it was , but their opposition to remote work kind of supersedes all.

Been doing the commute for a few weeks now, it’s on public transport and I’ve been taking the early train to allow me to leave early which gets me home in time for dinner and bedtime. It’s been kind of fine! And it’s been amazing spending time in our beautiful new town.

Attempting to kick the job search into gear though. Apprehensive as I feel like I will need a transfer out of my industry (dysfunctional, bad salaries abound), which feels overwhelming. Will update properly when I get the new role, fingers crossed!