when someone tells you you’re too sick to be at work (but you’re not)

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

How should I respond when someone tells me that I am too sick to be at work and I should be at home?

The context here, one of my directs popped her head into my doorway and said, “You should really be at home today.” I am recovering from a cold/flu and have been out of the office for a couple of days because of it. I am feeling much better. I have a lingering cough that comes on periodically. That seems to be the case with most people that have been sick lately.

I was a little surprised by their comment and mumbled something about feeling better and just dealing with this cough now.

I am in a supervisory position and needed to be on-site as the department manager is off with this flu. They are in worse shape than me. Our site requires that one member of the department’s management team be on-site. I would have been on-site anyway since I am feeling better. I am also much more productive being in the office.

I understand that people have varying levels of concern about getting sick. They may be immunocompromised or have a young or elderly family member they are worried about getting sick. But I have been doing my best to isolate myself in my office, washing my hands frequently, etc. to minimize the risk to others. It feels wrong to me that someone thinks they know better about my current state of health than I do. Is there a graceful way to acknowledge their concern and let them know I am taking the necessary precautions required to be at work?

First, it’s worth noting that some people will say “you should be at home!” as a way to express care for you, not because they really think it’s outrageous that you’re in the office or are worried about their own health.

But some people will say “you should be at home!” because they’re worried about their own health and are annoyed that you’re there. And sometimes they are right to be annoyed. It’s reasonable for people to be upset if they think you’re being reckless with their health and well-being (and there are a whole lot of people who come into work and expose other people to germs when they should have stayed home).

You’re right that your employee doesn’t know as much as your current state of health as you do — but it’s because they don’t know as much about your state of health as you do, and because lots of people do come into work when they shouldn’t, that it’s not unreasonable for them to worry, if in fact they were. Try not to be annoyed by that.

That said, it’s definitely true that you can have a lingering cough for weeks or even months after some colds. It doesn’t mean you’re contagious or shouldn’t be working.

But it’s also true that you can also have a lingering cough because of things that are contagious. So even if something seems like a cold or the flu, at a minimum you should do a Covid test before returning to work out of consideration for your coworkers and their families.

Back to your question: is there a graceful way to acknowledge someone’s concern and let them know you are taking the precautions needed to be at work? Yes! Here are a few ways to say it if you do indeed know you’re not contagious — based on actual medical advice, testing, common sense*, etc. — here are a few ways to say it. (* I’m aware it’s risky to include “common sense” on this list, given the amount of variation in people’s risk assessments. But realistically, people aren’t going to consult with a doctor every time they have a cold.)

* “I’m not sick anymore, just have a lingering cough. My doctor says I’m not contagious.” (Obviously this needs to be true! Don’t say it if it’s not.)

* “I’m over the cold, but I’ll probably have the cough for a while. I did test for Covid and it’s negative.”

* “It’s run its course and I don’t think I’m contagious at this point, but I’m staying in my office to be safe.”

Also, if there’s any risk you’re still in a contagion period but you’re still at work, please consider wearing a mask — again, out of consideration for your coworkers and their families.

Final thought: if you’re required to have one member of the department’s management team on-site at all times and there are only two of you, is there a back-up plan for what happens if you’re both very sick/potentially contagious? If not, there needs to be!